DISCLAIMER: Same as last time, every single one of these photos are taken completely, and utterly, out of context and each point is simply meant to be taken in good fun! I do not claim to be a mind reader, but I can read minds.
As some of you have already seen in Know Your Ref Faces, many nuances exist in the expressions of officials that can tell you a great deal about what they are thinking and feeling. If you can master the art of reading their faces, understanding the meaning behind each curled lip, raised eyebrow, those crazy bloodshot eyes, and that bulging vein in their forehead; then you’ll be one step closer to not drawing their glorious, fiery vengeance! Hahaha no, we’re not that bad. But we do meet every three months in zebra patterned, hooded robes to offer our whistles to the great burning Wicker Ref. OH FIERY OFFICIAL OF OLDE, WE PENALIZE THEE!
P.S. All photos courtesy of Rob Vida Photography.
The “Yeah, I Got Nothen” Face
Wanna know when there is likely to be an Official Timeout? RIGHT NOW. You see this face on any skating or non-skating official and it’s a surefire sign that we’re going to be taking a quick intermission. But we got this! Don’t you think otherwise for even a second! Furthermore, this was NOT our fault! Now, if you’ll please just look directly into this standard issue neuralyzer- I mean, just look here please.
The “I Said…” Face
Hey… hey… hey scorekeeper. Scorekeeper! Hey! Hey, you! You with the face, keeping the score! Look up! LOOK… UP! I’m skating by… I swear to god if you don’t- ohhhhh-ho-ho-ho… not even a GLANCE! Fine, no points for them that pass. Whatever. That’s cool. She’s calling it off any- Oh now you’re looking! NOW you’re looking. Jams over and now you’re looking. Hey, no! No, not at the other- I’M YOUR JAM REF. ME. SHE GOT THREE.
[P.S. I love you, scorekeepers!]
The Penalty Hunter
[TO BE READ LIKE STEVE IRWIN] Crikey! That’s a fast pack! Did you know that the average roller derby athlete can skate up to 11.8 miles per hour? Gee whiz! Try keepin’ up with that! That’s why the ever elusive Penalty is so hard to spot by the untrained eye. But not for me. I’m a professional, mate! You just got to know how to track ’em. Shhhhh… one of ’em is close…
The Always Terrifying, Full-On Pack Glare
Have you ever walked into a room and it went quiet? Everyone just staring at you, that awkward sinking feeling you get knowing they were probably just talking about you. Remember that scrim just a few weeks ago when you lost your cool and cussed us out? Yeah. We remember that too. WELCOME TO THUNDERDOME!!!
The Body Snatcher Scream
Looks innocent enough, right? NO! This is serious, guys! Look closer… CLOSER! In the back! That ref is no ref, it’s a BODY SNATCHER! Not even joking, they’re out there and you’ll never know who is one of them until it’s too late. Take this poor woman as an example, she thinks Donald Sutherland is her friend… she is WRONG!
Not convinced? Let’s look closer.
Game over, man! GAME OVER! You hear that scream and you skate! You get the hell out of there and you never look back! I totally just saved your lives. You’re welcome.
So, now you’ve seen us mad, you’ve seen us sad, you’ve seen us laugh, and you’ve seen us when we’ve been replaced by an otherworldly doppelganger. I’ve also revealed how to spot our indifference, our warning glares, our “back off” snarls, and our forced, but polite, “could you please leave me alone” smiles. But there is still MUCH to be learned! Keep an eye out for episode three!
What are some ref faces YOU have seen? Tell us about them in the comment section below!
Owner-Operator of Derby Frontier